


Soothe Me, Save Me

by bison_daycare



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Injury Recovery, Sexual Content, The last chapter will be nsfw, bc Chizuru is pretty and Hajime doesn't know how to handle that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:18:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bison_daycare/pseuds/bison_daycare
Summary: When the Shinsengumi discovers the existence of one Yukimura Chizuru, they send Saito to investigate the missing Doctor’s daughter. However, when he gets unexpectedly injured, Chizuru takes it upon herself to nurse this stranger back to health.Written for saichifest 2018





	1. Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Impracticaldemon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impracticaldemon/gifts).



> Hello, friends! When impracticaldemon mentioned a SaiChi fest, I was immediately all for the idea! However, I am going out of the country tomorrow, so I at least wanted to post the first chapter on the actual day of the festival. I will definitely be completing this work, however, the internet can be wonky overseas. So I will do my best to at least get Day Two up and running before the flight! 
> 
> All of the chapters are inspired by the different prompts. The last one will contain some NSFW material, so if that's not your thing you should have three chapters of purity. 
> 
> Also: There's a small nod to "May the Fourth Be With You!" Bonus points to whoever finds it. ;)

Saito’s never been one to stray from the less-than-glamorous side of his duty.

Hijikata once expressed his regret - that he inevitably hoists the dirty work on the young Captain. They’re tough jobs, the ones he throws to his subordinate - the kind that needs to be done with a measure of finesse, but could only be left to those with whom he felt an immeasurable amount of trust.

Saito understands this, and as has become characteristic of the stoic captain, accepts his appointments with somber dedication. It's the least he can do for what he has received in return - a home in the form of a ragtag group of people that would support his path of the warrior and give him a place to feel content.

He's back in Edo, the first time since he rejoined his peers in Kyoto. They've waited for too long without a word from the mysterious doctor and his medicinal curse, and with an air of reluctance, Hijikata had finally resigned himself to the idea that perhaps something has occurred beyond their control.

Not that the water of life could truly be controlled, if the previous experiments were any indication.

After a discussion with a local doctor - Matsumoto, if he remembered correctly - they had managed to uncover not only the location of his clinic but the existence of a daughter he's both carefully raised and deliberately concealed there.

It leaves a sour taste in his mouth, dragging innocents into this twisted world; but, perhaps she's not. Saito has always felt there was something off about Kodo, and he had little expectations for the daughter of such a man. Despite wanting to maintain a measure of respect for the fairer sex, he is more than aware of his duty.

There's mild movement from the house he's spent the better part of three days observing, a comfortable home, with few distinguishing characteristics. There is a bit of a shadow in the farthest window, a flash of dark hair, and then it's gone, settled once more.

He's not certain what this particular job will entail, whether the girl will fight or confess, but he keeps his observations clinical. She spends most of her time reading, pouring over medical texts with so many pages they may very well match her weight. Other moments she cleans, tends the garden with painstaking care, smiling brightly at the flowers that are still blooming even as a crisp breeze begins to sprout in the air.

Saito isn’t sure what to make of the observations. He wishes it to be nothing more than a young girl attempting to maintain the remains of her father’s clinic. Yet, the small bottle of substance powerful enough to render grown men into beasts haunts him, and with the memory, his resolve strengthens.

It’s the fourth night he’s spent hidden in the shade of an out-of-season cherry blossom tree, producing enough shade to keep him covered during the day and shadowed throughout the night.

It’s not the only location he’s scouted. There’s a blind spot on the roof of the shop next door, and a small cover behind her house that offers him an excellent view of her living area.

There’s been minimal contact with those outside the quaint neighborhood - something he finds odd for a young girl. She went to the market once to stock up on necessities, and though she seems awfully close to many of the merchants, she didn’t associate with many her own age.

He wants to find it bizarre, yet a part of him can only sympathize. He’s never related well to his peers, either.

He’s leaning against the tree when everything shifts.

_Something is wrong,_ Saito notes. There’s a change in the wind, leaving the hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end. His sword hand itches, ready to strike, and his eyes flash back to the girl. She’s smiling absently as she strokes a fire, a delicious smell wafting from her kitchen.

_No_. She’s not the issue here.

Saito feels the stranger before he hears him, the low, drawling voice a mere afterthought as his sense heightens and adrenaline climbs. There’s a current in the air, like the contained energy before a storm.

“And who are you?”

He grabs the hilt of his weapon, subtly prepared to draw at any moment. Saito turns slowly, fully prepared to face the worst.

Instead, the men he’s greeted with fail to meet his expectations, but they do serve to establish new ones. A bulky man towers over them, a placid expression painting his gaze. His positioning is strategic, just behind the shorter man’s shoulder, a faithful guardian. It’s familiar - Saito has found himself in a similar spot with his own commander. There’s something intimidating, but subjective, observing the situation with a mindful eye. He’s not someone without reason.

It’s the central one that gives Saito the mildest measure of pause.

His appearance would be enough to draw attention, blonde hair and maroon eyes that very nearly resemble that of the Furies, but it’s the aura of scantily cloaked power he so clearly emits that encourages Saito to crouch into a fighting stance.

The man raises a trim eyebrow, and there’s something in the act that seems almost lazy. All of his movements are lethargic, yet purposeful.

There’s something deadly there, and Saito is all too aware that he is outnumbered.

“No one of consequence,” he answers smoothly, eyes flashing back to the house. The girl is no longer there, and his stomach churns.

Perhaps she is more attentive than he previously gave her credit for.

“Be wary,” the largest man warns, his eyes never straying from his enemy. “He is a warrior.”

“I find your lack of faith,” the central man draws his sword with an apathetic flare, “...disturbing.”

Saito stays focus, a hand moving to grasp the hilt on his right hip. There is an energy in the air, a current, nearly palpable in its strength. He’s not dealing with the typical rogue ronin, usurping peace for the simple sake of anarchy.

_No,_ he sighs, watching every move with rapt attention, _these men are not to be trifled with._

Then there is chaos.

The stranger smirks, a smooth event coated by disdain, and he’s gone. Saito turns, fueled by intuition and what he interprets as a gut instinct, just narrowly avoiding the blade.

_How did he move that quickly?!_ Saito’s breathing is sharp, but he doesn’t give himself enough time to dwell, instead pulling out his own blade to deflect the impending blows.

He has to get on the offensive, he knows, but the man is fierce. He moves much faster than Saito anticipated, and though he’s keeping up with him, there is a nagging sense that this interloper is holding back.

“What are you doing?!” A voice calls, filled with unfiltered panic.

Saito’s eyes stray for just a moment and is greeted with the sight of a frantic Yukimura Chizuru rushing over to them. There’s something in her eyes that gives him pause, a look of consternation overrun by an overarching sense of concern, and he’s struck with overwhelming clarity.

She has nothing to do with this.

Her yell has successfully attracted the attention of his enemy and using the opportunity, Saito places himself between the girl and his foe. He glances at her, sharply, biting out a warning.

“Stay back.”

She’s at a loss, he can tell, especially when the mysterious blond laughs with an air of contempt, “It seems she has a loyal guard dog. How sweet.”

Saito scowls, wondering just who this man is and why he seems so interested in the doctor’s daughter. She appears unfamiliar with them - if the way she seems to place herself even further behind him is any indication.

He knows he’s hovered too long, too lost in his thoughts, when he hears the girl gasp.

_“No!”_

Saito feels his heart drop as he directs his attention to where the stranger should have been, where he was just moments ago.

He moves solely on instinct.

There’s a sharp pain from his flank, the feeling of steel cutting through flesh and then being carelessly removed. He knows that had it not been for her warning the wound would have been fatal. Blood leaks from between his fingers, a surreal feeling as he applies pressure to the wound.

He’s struggling to hold himself up, already feeling affected by the precise injury, but refuses to let his guard down any further. The blonde one is smiling, a mixture of victory and amusement.

Saito scowls with all the ferocity of a wolf who’s been backed into a corner. He won’t be toyed with my someone who strikes when their competitor’s back is turned. It’s sad that such skill is wasted on a man with such little honor. _What a pathetic excuse for a swordsman._

He notices the red-haired man is looking off into the distance, distractedly. There’s a careful frown on his face as he watches the road.

Then there’s a light, a neighbor in the distance peeking out of his doorway. He had clearly begun to take note of the commotion and come to investigate. Saito can only hope he doesn’t decide to venture past the threshold. He isn’t certain he could protect two unarmed civilians in his current state.

Fortunately, it doesn’t seem he will have to. The larger man’s voice comes out in a wisened rumble. He had been standing back, analyzing the fight but ready to intervene should it come to that. “We should leave. It would be foolish to draw any further attention to ourselves, Kazama-sama.”

Saito half expects him to ignore the warning when the man - _Kazama_ \- sighs resignedly. “Very well. Keep her safe for me, will you?”

Kazama turns away from them, disappearing into the night like a wraith. His protector offers a nod, a curious show of respect, and follows.

The adrenaline leaves Saito in a rush, and it’s by sheer strength of will alone that Saito remains standing. The wound is a throbbing reminder of the girl who, when he turns to look at her, is already rushing to his side.

“You saved me,” she smiles, and though she knows he’s dangerous, she’s unexpectedly open.

_I was sent to kidnap you. To watch you. I’m not your friend, stranger._

But her heart is firmly on her sleeve and her eyes are glowing, and as the moon reflects in her irises he can feel something within him give away.

He's reeling, though he can't be certain if she's the cause or if it's the blood loss. The wound on his stomach further darkens the black of his kimono, and he feels himself sway, his body finally giving way beneath the pressure.

He hears a distant yell, and then he is on the ground, cold.

All he can see his Yukimura Chizuru kneeling over him, a look of concern marring her pretty features, the moonlight illuminating her with an ethereal quality.

His vision goes dark. 


	2. Respect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is up and ready to roll! I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up, so make sure to subscribe to get the notification. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this installment! Feedback is always appreciated!

The first thing he feels is pain.

He hears a groan and a grunt. It takes Saito a moment to realize he’s the one to make the sounds, and that they’re grating on his underused vocal chords. The light stings his eyes, brighter than the intimate moonlight he remembers from the moments post-battle.

_Oh,_ yes. The fight.

Saito forces his eyes open, lids protesting through his gumption. He’s met with a ceiling, taking a moment to acknowledge the intricate knots in the wood, to study their swirling and uneven patterns. He feels out of sorts - there’s a stale taste in his mouth, a vivid pain in his side, and though he attempts to take note of his condition his mind is still in a fog.

His left-hand shifts, proclivity demanding he search for his sword. He can feel his lips tilting downwards. It’s bad enough that he is injured - he dislikes also being unarmed.

There is the sound of a shoji scratching against the flooring, and his displeasure grows until he processes who it must inevitably be. Saito tilts his head - why does it feel so damn _heavy?_ \- and is greeted to the sight of Yukimura Chizuru holding a bowl of water and a set of clean bandages.

She seems equally surprised, eyes widening comically. “O-oh! You’re awake!”

She sets down her supplies and proceeds to give him her full attention. He isn’t sure what to say, how he should approach whatever _this_ is. They stare in an uncomfortable silence for one moment, and then two. She clears her throat, straightening her kimono, moving immediately into a deep bow.

Her cheeks are red when she finally rises, and in his particular state notes how the rosy hues seem to make her eyes sparkle.

“My name is Yukimura Chizuru. Thank you for last night. I didn’t get the chance to say it before…”

The _‘before you collapsed’_ remains unspoken. Clearly, she knows better than to remind a warrior of their weakness.

Saito figures it would be inappropriate to answer with a simple ‘I know’. Rather, he nods, offering an equally eloquent, “Saito.”

He isn’t sure if it’s wise to offer his real name, but considering the circumstances, it may be for the best. Should the Shinsengumi inquire as to his extended absence, familiarity may be crucial. And she has already made it abundantly clear that she has no relation to the mysterious men from the previous night.

Or was it the previous night? How long had he been asleep?

She’s beaming when he looks back at her, snapping out of his wandering thoughts. “Saito-san,” she says his name in a way he has never heard before, a soft murmur that gets his pulse racing, “I’m glad you’re up. You’ve slept for nearly twelve hours. Though, I suppose with the blood loss that is to be expected.”

She’s rambling. They both know it, though she seems bashful. Saito wants to assure her it’s no problem, yet the words to do so escape him.

“We should change your bandages. I hope you don’t mind, but I wrapped them last night. I wanted to keep you from losing any more-”

“Yukimura.”

She snaps to attention, and he finds himself looking on with amusement.

“Thank you,” he tries to smile at her, calm her if he can while portraying his genuine gratitude. He knows he needs to leave, to inform the commander that his mission has been completed, but in his current condition, he wouldn’t get very far. Should he be attacked once again, especially someone like that Kazama fellow, he would be at a great disadvantage.

It would be like fighting with his right hand.

He sits up, carefully controlling a wince that threatens to escape. His side protests vehemently at any movement. Chizuru doesn’t appear any happier, either. He can sense the concern behind her eyes, even as she smiles at his gratitude.

“Are you a doctor?”

Chizuru is obviously caught off guard by his question, and he can hardly blame her. He’s spoken only a handful of words to her since the night before, none of them personal inquiries.

But Saito can’t let her know he’s familiar. He needs to play the part of the unsuspecting victim - a ronin who defended a total stranger. A ronin who did not know the woman’s name until moments ago. A ronin who is seeing a shockingly independent woman who is offering to change his bandages.

“Oh! Er, not quite. My father is. Although he is currently in Kyoto. He left for a trip a few months ago.”

Saito’s brow wants to furrow, his eyebrows twitching minutely inward, but he maintains his mask of indifference.

That’s not right. If the good doctor was in Kyoto, they would know about it. They’ve had ears to the ground for a while now. Even on patrol, they were to all instructed to keep an eye out for anyone resembling Yukimura Kodo.

“I see. So you have taken over the business?”

“I suppose you could say that…”

She can feel his eyes burning into her. She shifts uncomfortably.

“You’re... actually my first patient.”

“Comforting,” he offers.

She bristles, grabbing for the bandages and water and settling down next to him. He shrugs out of his sleeve which, he notes, is certainly not the same thing he had been wearing previously. It was still a dark color, yet slightly tighter than what he is accustomed to.

He wonders if it may be Kodo’s. A chilling thought, though far more tolerable than his undoubtedly torn and blood-stained kimono. Even if she had to be the one to change him.

A blush rises before he can help it. Saito ducks his head, letting his hair create a curtain around his reddened cheekbones.

“You’re lucky,” she starts, peeling away the soaked strips of fabric. He flinches when the air hits the wound. “You managed not to hit any major organs. If you hadn’t moved, it’s very likely the man would have punctured a lung.”

Saito grimaces at the thought. He would have a hard time reporting back to Hijikata if he couldn't breathe.

“I’m not certain I can pay you for the treatment.”

He left a majority of what money he does have at the base. He only brought enough with him for a local inn and meals, which would hardly cover the cost of a medical professional.

Or the daughter of a medical profession, in this case.

“You saved my life. Please, Saito-san, let me return the favor.”

She smiles at him, a disarming little expression. From this close, Saito could see all the different shades of brown in her sparkling eyes.

He has to look away.

-

When he next wakes, the sun has long since set.

There’s something comforting in the darkness, a stillness he craves.

He’s feeling just restless enough to move, just reckless enough to fight through the pain. It’s a struggle, but he manages to get to his feet, a hand firmly placed on the wall to support his weight.

He never saw Chizuru use this room during his observations, so he isn’t certain where exactly he is in the house. He makes his way to the door, opening it quietly. Even with his impediment, his movements are silent. Saito can’t tell what time it is, but he knows it’s likely Chizuru is fast asleep.

To Saito’s immense surprise, when he finally makes it to the front door, Chizuru is sitting on the porch. She doesn’t notice him, rather, remains motionless as she stares into the night sky.

Saito debates retreating, pretending he hadn’t seen anything, but there is something so heart-wrenchingly lonely about the scene. A young girl who throws herself completely into the recovery of a stranger shouldn’t be sitting alone in the dead of night.

“The stars shine brightly tonight.”

She whips around. He’s awfully good at catching her off guard, Saito notes with amusement.

“Saito-san! You shouldn’t be up moving around yet!”

Chizuru is fussing, but for some reason, Saito doesn’t mind. Having someone worry about his well-being is still a relatively new concept for him, only since meeting those at Shiei Hall, but not an altogether unpleasant one.

“I am fine.”

She had begun to rush towards him, only reluctantly stopping as he reassures her otherwise. They sit in companionable silence for a while, Chizuru resuming her act of looking off into the sky.

There’s something sad, there. Something vulnerable. Saito can see the distress in the tension of her shoulders, in the way she chews on her bottom lip. The girl is an open book, something few can say. It’s… refreshing.

He’s talking before he can second-guess himself. “What are you thinking about?”

“Has anyone you loved just… disappeared?”

Saito recalls his childhood - something he very rarely allows. He supposes he must be that person to his family. After the duel that cost him everything, he had been content to just… fade away.

Not that his parents noticed, regardless. Introspection is a far easier path when everyone around you is comfortable ignoring you.

If he looked at it from that angle, his family may have abandoned him far before he ever did them.

“Yes.”

Her eyes meet his own - hopeful, inquiring. Desperate for someone to understand exactly what it is she has been forced to experience.

All at once, Saito hates Kodo for leaving her to her own devices.

“What did you do?”

“I trained. I grew stronger. I took my life into my own hands, never looking back.”

She’s staring at him like he said something profound, but Saito doesn’t see it that way. He simply answered her question. The rest, what she would like to _do_ with that answer, is up to her.

-

A week later, they’ve fallen into something like a routine.

They wake up, they make breakfast together. He rests, she studies and completes the chores she deigns necessary that day. They eat lunch, relocating to the porch to brave the crisp air of November. She talks, he listens. Chizuru doesn’t seem to mind his propensity for silence, rather, takes his (at times) monosyllabic responses in stride.

She seems to take it as a victory when Saito offers more than a few words in response. She has successfully managed to pry out his more poetic side on more than one occasion, and he has quite enjoyed the philosophical results.

It’s shockingly comfortable. It would be easy to get swept up into the domesticity of it all. But he knows nothing is that simple, and it is just an illusion of normalcy.

So he gets stronger. And he does what he’s good at, what his initial job was - still is, really. He watches.

Saito watches the way she carefully studies her father’s medical journals. He watches out of the corner of his eye as he feigns disinterest, all the while looking out for something related to the furies.

He tries to ask her, once. If she believes medicine can be used for more nefarious purposes.

Chizuru tilts her head innocently, absentmindedly pulling her haori tighter. “I believe it’s possible. Though it seems awfully counter-productive. Doctors should be doing everything in their power to save their patients, and if that doesn’t work, ensure their comfort until their time comes. To prolong their suffering seems… cruel.”

It’s an incredibly earnest answer, completely ignorant of the horrors he has seen, and Saito suddenly feels the inexplicable need to protect that innocence. There’s something in her eyes that keeps him from believing her responsible for her father’s actions.

Saito wears a humorless smile. Chizuru is beautiful and captivating and kind, and he… _respects_ her. That’s all there is to it. It can’t be easy - having a father who disappears when she needs it most, only then to completely forego any contact. She’s been left in the dark, without answers, but still, she burns brightly. Anyone would find her determination respectable.

He sighs. Lying to oneself is _exhausting._

Chizuru is smiling at a child playing on the street, a bell-like laugh making his heart skip a beat. He can feel his gaze soften when she meets his eyes, a vibrant smile on her pretty features.

Nothing good will come from getting attached. 


	3. Spoken/Unspoken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my loves!
> 
> So sorry for the delay. I wanted to make sure I was really happy with this chapter before I uploaded it, and a lot has been going on since I've returned home. 
> 
> So enjoy this chapter, and you will hear more from me after reading!

 

“Those men….”

Surprisingly, it’s Saito that breaks the comfortable silence.

It’s substantially colder outside that it was a few weeks ago. Winter had approached before either of them had completely come to terms with it, a bracing chill blanketing the city. It’s far too frigid to spend time on the porch this late into the day, leaving them to relocate to the modest living quarters.

Chizuru’s mending his kimono, a futile endeavor, he tries to tell her. Even if it hadn’t been so thoroughly soaked with blood, which she miraculously managed to remove most of, the sheer amount of torn fabric is simply an unnecessary headache.

She doesn’t appear to mind, however. She’s pleasantly absorbed in her work, composing delicate stitches across the dark fabric. After all their time spent together, he’s noticed she is not a fan of remaining idle. She much prefers to have something to do with her hands or to keep her mind occupied.

He’s much the same way, upon reflection. If it wasn’t for the essence of a task, he knows he would be stir crazy by now. And, though he initially had trouble admitting it even to himself, he truly does appreciate Chizuru’s company.

“...are you acquainted with them?”

It’s been bothering him for a while now. Whatever their plan had been, whatever this Kazama had in mind clearly involved the doctor’s daughter.

Yet, he wasn’t interested in harming her. The brief words of parting he offered assured Saito of that. He’s theorized a few possibilities, though none of them seem conclusive. That the man knows where she lives and her name is odd - made even more so by his surprise that she is not alone. As if he is aware of the good doctor’s absence.

Her brows furrow, her sewing coming to an abrupt halt.

“I’ve been wondering about them, as well. I have never seen them before. I’m not sure what it is they wanted with me.”

After a beat, “I see,” and the anxiety beginning to unfurl in her eyes is palpable.

“Saito-san? What happens if they come back?”

He’s considered this, late one night when sleep refused to come. Saito will have to leave eventually, return to his rightful place with the Shinsengumi. And should Kazama and his companion return, he’s certain they will not hesitate to complete whatever goal it is that brought them to Chizuru.

The sole saving grace he has come to realize is they are unaware of who, precisely, he is. He’s immensely grateful he had the foresight to refrain from giving them his name. They can’t possibly be aware of his actual motivations, nor of his organization. If they believe him to still be here, then perhaps he can buy them time.

To do what, exactly, he’s still unsure. That will ultimately be up to Hijikata.

His gaze is fierce, never straying from her.

The words slip out before he can really dwell on it, no longer content to remain unspoken. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

Her cheeks begin to redden, and only after a moment does he realize exactly what it is he vows. Belatedly, he follows suit, his own blush growing.

Self-consciously, he tears his gaze away from her hopeful eyes, searching the room for anything else to occupy his attention until his heartbeat can slow.

Something in the corner gives him momentary pause, a familiar glint flickering from a high shelf.

Saito stands, carefully making his way to the distraction.

Just as he thought, a short kodachi lays carefully upon the plank. It’s a beautiful weapon, he notes, with gold detailing upon the sheath.

“Is this yours?”

She nods, a bashful movement.

“Technically, yes. It’s a family heirloom. My father made certain I was able to handle it well enough, but I’ve never excelled at the art.”

He raises an eyebrow as he inspects the blade, impressed. It’s a fine tool, though clearly hasn’t been used in a long while.

Absently, he notes the gesture of unsheathing the kodachi is not nearly as cumbersome as it was just a few days ago. A good sign.

He’s far too distracted to take notice, but Chizuru smiles, watching him with a charmed expression as he pays close attention to the sword. There’s a gleam in her eyes as she says, “Unlike yourself, Saito-san. You’re very talented with the blade.”

He offers a noncommittal, “Hmm,” only turning his gaze to her as she begins to release a twinkling laugh.

“I don’t recall doing anything amusing.”

She covers how mouth with a dainty hand, doing her best to suppress her giggles. “S-sorry, Saito-san.”

He turns his attention back to the weapon, feeling oddly embarrassed by the whole exchange. “It’s a fine weapon. Do you maintain it?”

“I try, though I admit I don’t know the proper techniques to really care for it. Neither did Father. He’s more suited to the sciences than fighting,” she admits with a bashful tilt of her head.

“Then you will learn.”

Chizuru nods, gathering the needed materials and rushing over to where he’s made a spot for them.

He goes through the process carefully, making certain she is paying careful attention to his descriptions. She is an apt student, following his motions with an elegance he was unprepared for.

Chizuru is an anomaly, and quite unlike any woman he has previously interacted with. Not that he’s had an abundance of experience, other than the few times Harada and Shinpachi have successfully dragged him to Shimabara, but the way she tackles the task with a sober discipline is utterly captivating.

Saito doesn’t bother to hide his smile. He doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from her, really. And that alone is concerning. 

-

He’s watching her, as he often does, when the realization sweeps over him like powerful current - all-consuming and breathtaking.

She’s hardly doing something exceptional, humming melodically to herself as she prepares their dinner, but the way his heart swells and how his eyes refuse to stray from her reveals everything with a clarity he was unprepared for.

Because at some point he stopped observing her for the sake of his mission. At some point, his duty became second to Chizuru and everything she entails. At some point, he stopped realizing that is an issue.

At some point, Saito found that being in love with her is easy. And that terrifies him.

He’s even more silent than usual as they eat. Not that he’s ever been a particularly talkative fellow, but his thoughts weigh heavily and all-encompassing.

He’s very far from a wordsmith. He’s well aware of this little weakness. Many of his thoughts remain trapped, spinning in his mind without an apt way to escape their confines.

Chizuru takes note of his detachment, offering light conversation before trailing off at his lack of a response. She’s shifting in her seat, clearly uncomfortable. It hasn’t been like this since his first night there when they were simple strangers with no attachment. And even then, despite the throb in his side, he was more receptive to her attempts.

He finishes quickly, offering a quick thanks, and retreating to the small, enclosed backyard.

He barely registers the chill, the crisp and refreshing scent of cold air hitting him as the door opens.

It’s still bright outside, the moon is full and the stars sparkling above. He enjoys the night sky, the endless infinity reminding him how encompassing the universe truly is, the mysteries it offers far more severe than his little world.

He hears her approach but doesn’t react. He’s almost surprised she followed him, but deep down he knew she would. She’s not someone who can sit by when another is in pain.

Another difference between them. He’s a fighter, a shadow of a weapon for the whims of the Shinsengumi. She’s a healer, the sunlight on a beautiful summers day.

They’re worlds apart and it’s painfully apparent.

“Are you okay?”

She’s innocent. He knows this. He’s had a feeling since the moment he began his mission, the confirmation only growing as he spends time with her. She’s untainted from her Father’s influence, something he is infinity grateful for.

Which is why he knows she deserves the truth.

“Kodo is not in Kyoto.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath, and then there’s silence. She’s turning it over, processing the implications as she whispers, “How do you know…?”

When he doesn’t immediately respond, shaking fingers grasp his arm, fingers chilled from the temperature. “Saito-san. Please. _Tell me.”_

She takes a step closer to him, pleading. His jaw clenches with resolve.

“I... work with a group of warriors. Kodo was assisting us when he disappeared. We’ve been looking for him as well.”

He watches as she turns the information over in her mind. The thoughts are whirling, expression flitting, the heart on her sleeve betraying her every thought. He knows she will reach the proper conclusion, and he can’t help but wonder if she will be horrified.

“That’s why you were here that night. You were looking for him?”

“Partially, yes.”

She nods, unsurprised by the response. “Then… you were looking for me.”

“I was.”

She doesn’t react, remaining firmly focused on the ground. Her hand is still gripping his sleeve as she processes everything. He hates that her face is hidden, immediately missing the sight of her.

“Chizuru.”

There’s surprise in her eyes when they jerk up to meet his own, and he realizes he’s never called her name before. Another carefully constructed wall crumbles, and a very large part of him can only feel relief.

And as it crumbles, he can see the lines blurring even further and he knows what he must do.

“Thank you for the hospitality you have shown up me. It is a kindness I hope to one day repay. I won’t worry you any longer - I will be gone within the hour.”

Chizuru gasps. Saito makes to turn away, to leave her in peace once and for all. It’s better this way. He should protect her while he can from the path he is on. It can only bring her pain, the affection of a warrior.

A voice, soft and devastated, stops him before he can make it to the door.

“Why would I want you to leave?”

It’s the last thing he anticipated, and the most his traitorous heart could have hoped for.

She should be raving, or at the very least, quietly watching him pack. He wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke another word to him, remembered him as a cruel stranger who tricked her into saving his life. He’s lied to her, kept her in the dark from the one thing tormenting her since her sole parental figure’s disappearance. A mystery he could have offered even a shred of clarity on, yet for his own sake remained silent.

_Please, don’t give me a reason to stay. Don’t make this harder. I can’t trust myself around you, beautiful fool._

“Saito-san. You saved me. Or at the very least, my freedom. You may have had different motivations than I anticipated, but you never hurt me.”

It’s so much. It’s so much and it’s everything he wanted and everything he was afraid to want.

Saito knows he should have thought better of her. It’s cowardly for him to think she would turn away from this. She’s done nothing but defy his expectations since they met, a truly mesmerizing woman quite unlike any he has met.

“You should hate me.”

Chizuru looks at him the way no one ever has - that despite the beauty of the night sky, he’s the one who offers her all of the secrets of the universe. It’s loud enough that, despite their lack of flowery declarations, the words they are both thinking can remain firmly unspoken.

He’s never been particularly eloquent, anyways.

She shakes her head, a smile like a bloom in the dead of winter,“I could never hate you.”

He kisses her then, and for the first time since he’s realized his feelings, it’s as if he can finally breathe.

Her lips are softer than he could have imagined. It’s not particularly practiced, both of them wildly inexperienced, but it’s candid.

He pulls away long enough to breathe and it feels like an eternity. He swallows her gasp, mouths open and breath intoxicating. A hand comes up to hesitantly touch his face, and he pulls her closer, tucking her securely against his chest.

It would have been easier for her to push him away, to try and remove herself from the situation. But as their lips move in an elegant synchronization, Saito sees the world with a striking clarity and unyielding resolve.

It won’t be easy, but he won’t give this up without a fight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now in the game, it definitely took Saito a little while to fall completely for Chizuru or to really recognize what the feels are. Everything does is very subtle, and he definitely fell for Chizuru gradually. Of course, the process is sped up for the sake of this story, but it is different circumstances. 
> 
> But they kissed, so that's SWELL. The next chapter is my all-time favorite, so I'm going to adjust a few things and edit when I can. Hopefully, it should be up in a few days! (And it will be NSFW, so if you aren't all aboard that train it's totally fine. I'll make sure to mark the smut.)

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I'll try and get the second chapter up tomorrow! If you happen to be bored, (shameless plug time) I did write a SaiChi coffee shop au a few weeks ago. Feel free to check that out!
> 
> Happy saichifest 2018!


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